Jack Diorno
|connectedresources = |bonusresources = }} History of Jack Diorno and Shireland Life begins (Centurion Defense Cell) On the 28th of June 2007, Shireland was founded, with jack Diorno as its Eternal King. Jack’s first days as a ruler in CyberNations were confusing as a sack of weasels; he received a great deal of messages from fellow rulers wanting him to join their respective alliances. He picked an alliance to join at random, it was The Centurion Defense Cell (CDC), and it was the beginning of Jack’s long, long, random ordeal through planet bob. Jack Hung in the shadows of CDC until the ruler; SirNick, decided to attack a smaller alliance, Jack sprung forth and took command of a squad of nations to attack one of the puny guys. Jack was very excited for it but when the time came to slaughter the innocent, he was the only one to charge forth and attack his target, his team was inactive… Jack’s armies were alone in a dangerous place, they suffered great causalities, and the entire air force of Shireland was exhausted in the first few days of combat. The Shireland Military was severely depleted and counter attacks began to destroy Shireland infrastructure and kill the citizens. Luckily for Shireland, jack Diorno managed to hide himself in a pile of dead women and children that he created, so the soldiers of the attacking nations could not murder him. Soon after, more CDC nations came to Mr. Diorno’s aid and destroyed the gutless attackers. The growth of a tumor (The Centurion Brotherhood) After the war, while Jack was busy rebuilding his nation one tax collection at a time, Jack’s alliance of CDC merged with the alliance of The brotherhood, to form The Centurion Brotherhood (TCB). Jack didn’t like the fact his alliance leader would lose the dream so easily, and thought The Brotherhood were a bunch of wally’s (read: King Xander), but was happy when he saw the awesome new flag of TCB. Jack spent many months of CN talking to the fellow centurions, and everyone loved him very, very, very, much, so much that they made him a senator for TCB, where Jack made sure he always gave at least 27% of his total ability to TCB. Jack did many great things in TCB, such as creating a giant MSPaint mural of all the TCB members, and he later added a giant MSPaint mural of one of the leaders (Joquestraap), with a giant MSPaint mural of a man’s genitals protruding from his forehead. He also angered a larger alliance which Jack feels shouldn’t be named and was forced to apologize for being awesome. Jack did many other great things for TCB as well. Yep, life was good for Jack in TCB. Then he met… CRUSHTANIA OF CRUSHTANIA (caps for hint of impending drama). Crush was the ruler of The Aqautic Brotherhood (TAB), which was similar to TCB, but they were aquatic, not centaurs. The mistake (The Aquatic Brotherhood) Jack was still very proud of becoming a senator of TCB, but war struck CN once again and TCB would not be partaking in the fighting of the GATO-1V War. Shireland’s citizens had heard of the heroics of Jack Diorno in his previous battle in CDC and yearned for the smell of gunfire and cruise missile explosions, so he left TCB to fight in the GATO-1V War alongside TAB and Crushtania. Shireland’s armies fought much better than previously, and the opposing United Commonwealth Nation was reduced to rubble, the people of Shireland rejoiced and the streets were filled with lolcats. But their rejoicing was cut short, Jack Diorno learned of some anger at his departure from The Centurion Brotherhood, and quickly found that many of the members of TCB were angry, but just felt lonely without Jack Diorno. The attempted return (the Centurion Brotherhood) Jack Diorno left TAB after ten days of war, and rejoined TCB. Jack Re-joined TCB, only to learn that the Centaurs weren’t missing Jack, they in fact liked peace and quiet. Jack was dismayed that TCB wanted to be a library, but remembered in Warhammer 40,000 the Librarians were pretty cool, so didn’t let it get him down. Jack soon retook a senator position, and vowed to never let TCB down ever, ever again. And he never ever did. The end of an era (New Polar Order) After less than 2 weeks of holding the Senator Position, Jack Diorno left TCB and joined the New Polar Order (NpO), seeking a large alliance to grow Shireland in. He liked the flag, and he liked the snow. But the penguins were a bitch, they didn’t liked Jack Diorno and constantly bited him. Jack was also attacked by a Polar bear and mauled half to death by snow Kangaroos. The Refuge (The Aquatic Brotherhood) Almost 2 days after joining NpO, Jack heard the first rumors of war heading in NpO’s direction, Jack had run short of women and children to murder and hide under, so he left NpO and Crushtania allowed Jack to seek refuge in The Aquatic Brotherhood, against the wishes of TAB’s other Government and Allies. Jack remained in TAB and didn’t do anything notable except sniff his fingers occasionally for many months; he watched NpO get pummeled by the Continuum and laughed though. The ABORTION DISCO (Abortion Disco Dancers) During his stay in TAB, Jack Diorno built his nation to a strength never seen before. The capital of shireland had streets paved in gold. But Jack yearned for something different, he grew tired of the boring asexual alliances that populated the greater bob. When Jack looked at the alliances on Planet bob he could not see one a single unique alliance in the sea of ambiguity. So Jack set out to make one, this alliance would be the Abortion Disco Dancers (ADD), and would be themed on abortions and not be a political alliance at all, but a mere meeting ground for cybernation rulers who were as bored as Jack. Jack asked the Aquatic Brotherhood Congress for protection for his new alliance on July 26, 2008 with the following message: I am making my own alliance, the Abortion Disco Dancers. I am requesting a protectorate agreement from TAB mainly to fend of tech raiders and homophobes, I would not involve TAB in a destructive war. If you need anymore reason just look at my forums, they will go to waste if i cant use them :( http://add.ipbfree.com/index.php?act=idx Triumvir of Finance, Crushtania issued this response: The proposal has been dully noted by the Triumvirate, you will be informed on a decision if the Triumvirate moves that this be introduced into the Government as a bill. The Triumvirate of TAB handed down their final ruling on the 27th of July: Unfortunately, due to a majority Triumvir vote, we are unable to offer you a protectorate at this point in time. However, we will offer a merger of TAB and ADD, in which ADD loses all identity, and TAB remains as it was prior to the merger. Signed, The Sixth Triumvirate of The Aquatic Brotherhood The ADD was summarily not formed after Jack decided to remain in TAB. Not the abortion disco (The Brokeback brotherhood) Jack was dismayed that he couldn't create his Abortion Alliance, but remained in TAB until his nation finally reached 7999.99 infra, with a new navy bought for shireland, Jack Diorno reached the top 8% of nations on the greater bob. But jack still wanted to make an alliance, so he changed the name to The Brokeback Brotherhood, and asked the triumvirate again, this time issuing a complete charter, it was accepted by the congress of TAB. Jack Diorno could create an alliance that would be protected from raiders. and that he did. On the 30th of October, Jack announced the creation of The Brokeback Brotherhood to the entirety of Bob, these are the notes of that fateful day as taken by Jack Diorno's Secretary; Penelope Spontain. Jack Diorno pushes through the swarm of Diplomats, all dressed in well fitting business suits. The ceaseless squabble that has been going between them since Bob sprung to life fills the air, meaningless pollution. Jack Diorno steps up to the podium, a few looks of disdain are thrown his way. His thongs smack against the wooden stage, with each step his tiny fluro pink boardshorts make a soft rustle that nobody hears; his bright green singlet shines out amongst the sea of non-descript suits. A few turn to look at him now, his oversized white sunglasses hide his eyes behind windows of dark plastic, he takes a silent look across the crowd and then softly clears his throat… “welcome.. to the official existence of The Brokeback brotherhood..” As the last word falls across the now silent crowd, a black curtain behind Jack falls, revealing 47 men standing behind 47 xylophones, a single girl with a siren, 74 speakers, and 47,000 strobe lights. With his shoulders back and his hands in the sky, Jack’s silhouette is simultaneously burned into the retinas of everyone watching. 47,000 strobe lights explode into an epileptic frenzy of flashing colours. The siren thunders out from all speakers, birds drop dead from the sky. The Xylophone players lash out, randomly hitting as many notes as they can. Jack Diorno Sang out the Charter of The Brokeback Brotherhood Then walked away, doing the chicken dance. TBB's protectorate agreement with The Aquatic Brotherhood was considered to be Triumvir Crushtania's final act during his Triumvirateship in TAB. He was not happy that his hand in allowing the TBB to exist would be his legacy. JackTheGreat is a tool (United Alliance) The Brokeback brotherhood was shunned by most members of Planet Bob, but Jack found members in; Jeramie, King-A-Ling, and Kroknia, who qouls head his government structure. All three had been drawn by the incredible flamboyancy of TBB, but after a few days it got to be too much, and Kroknia; who accounted for half the strength of TBB, left for the United Alliance (UA). After speaking to the JackTheGreat who was leader of UA, Jack Diorno found UA would be a good place to stay anyway, and was offered the spot of Vice president. Jack Diorno took the spot and headed the Vice department of UA for ten days. On the Tenth day JackTheGreat issued a statement to the entirety of UA stating that UA would be merging with the 4th largest alliance on bob; Mostly Harmless Alliance (MHA). Jack Diorno was immediately approached by several members of the UA government saying they didnt want to move, as accoriding to the charter of UA, Jack Diorno could overthrow JackTheGreat and take control of UA. Jack Diorno Agreed to take control of UA, telling the members that after he had taken control, the leadership of UA would be decided by vote and Jack would be leaving to go to another alliance. Unfortunately for Jack Diorno, this was seen as a coup in the eyes of planet Bob, and also MHA, who were, once again, the fourth largest alliance on the whole of bloody bob. Jack knew this was bad news, and his fears were solidified when Shireland's war commander; Oheeelilio, smacked Jack out of bed on the morning on November the 12th. Luckily, penelope Spontain was on hand at the time to take notes on the incident. Oheeelilio slammed through the 47 great oak doors that lead to the sleeping chambers of Jack Diorno, his speed was so great that he broke his wrist going through the 10th door Oheeelilio continued through doors 11 to 29 by charging them with his shoulder, but on door 30 he broke his collarbone. Oheeelilio let out a giant scream of agony and shouted out "why the bloody *$^@ does jack need 47 %*&$i*& doors that weigh like &*$&# a tonne each!?!?" Oheeelilio kicked down doors 31 to 40, but on door number 41 his ankle shattered and Oheeelilio was reduced to crawling on the floor. Oheeelilio turned to penelope, the secretary of Shireland who was documenting all of this, and quite rudely asked "CANT YOU OPEN SOME OF THESE #*&*#$@( DOORS? YOU #(&$#*(&$#!!! I CANT EVEN WALK AND YOUR JUST TAKING NOTES!!!" After no reply for Penelope, Oheeelilio continued onto the bed chambers Oheeelilio managed to open doors 42 to 47 after an hour long struggle in which he lost almost 1 litre of blood from the wound that he gained during the opening of door number 43 Oheeelilio crawled into Jack Diorno's bed chambers, Jack immediately awoke and saw the state of disarray that surrounded Oheeelilio. "Oheeelilio!?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??" Jack asked in a high pitched voice, Oheeelilio replied "Shireland is under attack from 3 of the largest nations from MHA!! they are threatening to reduce our infrastructure to nothing, all because we are helping the alliance of UA in their time of need!", Jack spared no time, he jumped into his golf buggy and drove off to the headquarters of MHA to straighten things out, forgetting to get dressed appropriately or even take the sandwich i made him for lunch. When Jack reached the MHA headquarters, the leaders were so appalled by the site of the naked jack Diorno that they agreed to let Shireland have peace as long as Jack never ever went outside naked ever again. Jack wub BJ (Pendulum) Jack Returned to Shireland, and reviewed the damage, his entire navy was sunk, his entire air force was still in the process of falling from the sky. The small cities of Diornotopia and WeLoveJackDiorno and been taken over by hostile forces, the golden Streets of Shireland's capital; The Crystal Castle, had been stolen. Shireland had lost 30% of its previous strength, and almost 70,000 casualties in solders alone. the citizens were dying and the pets, oh the pets. Jack sat in his head office, that no longer had a roof. JackTheGreat had betrayed him and would never be forgiven, as the other nations floundered and fled from the alliance of UA, so did jack. BlackjackCF, Sorum, GrandDukeNevsky and DarkLordTim had created a new alliance named Pendulum, Jack decided to stay with his friends and joined them. Once again sitting in the background and merely building his nation. On the 2nd of December Shireland finally reached its strength pre-MHA attack, everyone rejoiced by having a naked party down the street and a massive bonfire made of hobo's. Jack was complacent with life and so were shireland's citizens, Pendulum was a nice alliance. But due to mysterious circumstances, the leader - blackJackCF had to leave her post and was no longer available as the object of Jack's desire. Soon after, GrandDukeNevsky also left Pendulum, then finally DarkLordTim. Jack felt lonely without his friends in Pendulum, and spent almost a week in his basement toying with Kaisermilch (prisoner of Jack's basement for 6 months). Zomg a llama! (Athens) Jack joined Athens and set to work annoying Jgoods immideantly, sooon efter joineng athans, jax's speeling and gramer deterioreted at alarm rate. Draft update (MHA, NSO, Athens, AD, Athens)(post NoCB war until post karma war) I can't be bothered writing the rest of this out in character, but this is a small update till the present time. Jack Diorno went inactive for a long period and actually said he had quit the game, upon my return to IRC on one bored day the athenians examined my nation to see it was not yet deleted so i collected taxes and decided to keep my nation alive. I went inactive again for a few months and saved a giant warchest due to this. I bought a CIA and the maximum number of spies and joined the MHA (who I felt ill will against for trying to ZI me, I started spying away random nation's nuclear weapons in the hope of being caught and causing issues for MHA. Crushtania somehow got in charge of the MHA though so I ceased my actions and went inactive for a third time, my nation almost got deleted again due to not caring anymore, i checked the forums occasionally and heard about Ivan Moldavi returning to the game, with his alliance the NSO. I joined the New Sith Order in the hope they would crush the NPO and the Hegemony somehow, that never happened, but tensions rose greatly within about a 2 week period between the hegemony and other alliances like VE and the superfriends. I tried to get a high ranking job in the NSO using my graphic skills, but was denied due to the considerable efforts of the NSO minister of Internal Affairs (Sileath) a (sometimes friendly sometimes pure hate filled) grudge was instantly born between me and Sileath and after another short inactive period I spoke to Londo Mollari for the first time since my inactive spats had begun. Londo informed me of the (then unnamed) karma coalition, that was a considerable force consisting of superfriends, C&G, gremlins/umbrella (the rest of citadel was considered hegemony at that point). I have disliked the stagnant politics that CN had become due to the NPO, so I left the NSO (who were not going to fight in the karma war at that point), and rejoined Athens. 3 days after I rejoined Athens on April 21, Athens declared war on the NPO, upholding our commitments to the Complaints and Grievances Union, my nation mainly fought GGA nations who declared war on Athens shortly after. After a very long battle with the NPO, the karma war ended. Jack Diorno had become very active on the OWF forums due to the terrible propaganda that was formulated against Athens during the karma war, defending athens name as best I could, during this time I picked up a small fan club. I became the minister of media and propaganda for athens and my graphics skills increased greatly with a high demand at this point. Soon after I got bored, and due to the low liklihood of ramifacations unlike the first time around, I created the Abortion Disco as a new alliance, it was banned from creation in under 5 minutes by the moderation team, but after an appeal filed by me was allowed to be an alliance again. Abortion disco lasted for a month, I only managed to recruit 3 members before folding and returning to Athens where I became a public voice yet again until the present time. . Shireland There was never a more Glorious nation as Shireland, where everyone dances in the streets naked on a daily basis. National Holidays of Shireland These are the nation Holidays as celebrated by Shirelandians. 11th January - International Justice Day The first International Justice Day was On the 11th of January 2009, Jack Diorno entered his communication chambers made out of naked Japanese women as usual when an alert came from his old friend King Xander from the alliance of The Centurion Brotherhood. "Zooommgggggg, jack D10rn0, d00d, Jackthegr3at has been... liek, ZI'd!!!!!!!!11". Jack understood that King Xander was from Canada so couldnt speak proper English, and managed to understand his message anyways. As it turns out, Jack Diorno's past backstabber from United Alliance JacktheGreat, who allowed MHA to attack Shireland, was being destroyed by the all mighty Phoenix Federation. Jack Diorno laughed at jackthegreat's misfortune of being born a COMPLETE IDIOT, and declared the 11th of January International justice day. On International Justice day, every citizen of Shireland votes for who is the most hated 16 year old in Shireland, and then that 16 year old is thrown into a pool containing pedophiles and sandpaper. Every Citizen who attends the event gets a free Shireland Flag! THEN JACK MEETS GREEN MUFFINS THEY MOVE INTO A HOME TOGETHER HAVE SOME KIDS AND THEIR LIFE IS ACE KTHNXBYE